Stop Chasing Confidence. It's Not Important

By Paul Dale | The 3AM Method

Bad week of practice. Lost your last two matches. Feeling shaky when under pressure in matches?

Everyone's advice? "Start working on your confidence!"

Yeah. But will that work?

The Confidence Trap

Here's the problem with chasing confidence: You've often been through periods when your confidence is high and you go into matches feeling as good as you've ever felt—but eventually the same problems in your game surface, and the downward mental spiral begins again.

It's circular.

"I'll perform well when I feel confident" → "I'll feel confident when I perform well." You're stuck.

And those pre-match confidence checks? "Do I feel confident? Am I ready?" That's like checking if you're relaxed every five minutes. The checking itself creates the problem.

What If Confidence Is The Wrong Target?

Here's a different way to think about it:

Confidence isn't the fuel you need for the car. It's the enjoyable view you get while looking out the car window.

Top performers don't focus on feelings. They focus on process. Did I prepare? Check. Do I have a game plan? Check. Am I committed to competing? Check.

How do they FEEL about it? Irrelevant.

Your preparation creates readiness, not confidence. You've done the work. You have systems in place to devise a plan for any opponent. Every opponent, if played correctly, is beatable—and you're just the person to take them down.

The "No Matter What" Mindset

Elite mindset: "I'm showing up fully, regardless of how I feel."

Amateur mindset: "I'll play well IF I feel confident."

See the difference? One is a decision. The other is a hope.

Great performances often happen while feeling uncertain. Athletes admit doubt before career-best performances all the time. "I wasn't sure I could do it, but I committed to trying anyway."

Before the 2002 Australian Open, Thomas Johansson of Sweden was ready to fly home. He was playing poorly and knew his game wasn't where it needed to be to win a Grand Slam title.

It took some strong words from his girlfriend and his coach for him to stay and compete in the year's first Grand Slam event. 

Johansson, an unseeded player, won the title against Marat Safin (RUS) in 4 sets.

Confidence had nothing to do with Thomas Johansson's win. He had none! He told himself that he would do everything in his power to defend the points, stay in the point and out-hustle his opponent. It worked, so he did it for his next match. The rest is now written in the tennis history books.

Doubt doesn't disqualify you. Only quitting does.

What Actually Drives Performance?

If not confidence, then what?

Commitment. You're competing fully, feelings be damned (Thomas Johansson).

Preparation. You've done the work. You know what to do. That's readiness.

Present-moment focus. Locked into THIS point. Not monitoring your emotions

Acceptance. "I feel nervous AND I'm competing anyway." Both can be true.

The Paradox

Here it is: The less you need to feel confident, the more often confidence shows up.

Why? Because you're not checking for it. You're not demanding it. You're just competing.

Confidence becomes a side effect of showing up despite doubt, executing your process, and building evidence through action.

Bottom Line

Stop waiting to feel confident before you perform your best.

Start performing your best, and let confidence catch up if it wants to.

Your job isn't to feel a certain way. Your job is to compete.