THE 'TIMES SIX' PRINCIPLE FOR TENNIS PARENTS

AS A COACH THE LANGUAGE I use is important. Something said the wrong way on court can have a negative effect on the player, while compliments tend to have a more positive effect.

I use the 'TIMES SIX principle' when talking to players on-court or whenever they have just finished their match. 

The 'TIMES SIX principle' means that anything you, say either as a parent or as a coach, is magnified by six times in the head of the player. It is therefore always important to filter your comments through the TIMES SIX 'filter' and imagine how your comment will be perceived if multiplied six times.

An example could be if, as a coach or parent you remarked that the player had missed many first serves in the match (which could be completely correct), and told the player this soon after their match. The result of that comment could be disastrous (remember the TIMES SIX Principle) because the player could take the comment as a personal attack on them and their ability. Done repeatedly over time, these seemingly harmless comments around the practice court and during tournaments create a poor dynamic between the parent and their child.

Examples of this breakdown in the relationship between parents and their children are plentiful in tennis.

So, what to do?

Every young player, and many players not so young, want their parents to be parents first, and not their coach. They need separation from their tennis careers and their family life.

After a long day training or playing matches the player wants a safe space to relax. They may have played well or poorly that day but they don’t want to review the whole stressful account of the day in the car going home. They need the ride home to be their safe place.

As a parent, continually getting involved in a post-match autopsy that goes over every negative part of the match will at the very least turn the child off tennis and competing, but a much more serious outcome is that it could permanently hurt your relationship with your child.

Another unwanted outcome is that your criticism will eventually creep into your child’s demeanour during matches in multiple ways that could include forms of fear, anger issues and a general lack of motivation.

Here’s a two-step method for every parent to follow to help eliminate these negative issues already present in their child or to stop them developing in the first place:  

BE A PARENT FIRST

I remember my daughter being on court in matches and thinking how lucky I was to have a healthy, motivated daughter participating in sport. I used to think of how many children in the world that didn’t have the same opportunity to play tennis because of health issues or the fact that they had to grow up in a country where war or poverty restricted their ability to live normal lives. And here was my daughter playing tennis! Be eternally grateful for the opportunity to watch your child play tennis!

USE THE 'TIMES SIX' FILTER

Before you make any comment to your child about tennis (at home or around the courts) use the 'TIMES SIX' filter on what you are about to say.

Do this by running your comment through in your head before you speak. Still want to say it? Ok, go ahead… otherwise put your comment away and leave it out. As you start to do this you will find that many of the things you would have said previously to your child regarding their tennis really didn’t need to have been said at all.

It’s not easy being a tennis parent and there are no manuals to help you know what and what not to do. Define your role as a parent (not as a coach). Apply the TIMES SIX filter to your communication whenever the subject of tennis comes up and your child will develop into a mentally well balanced competitor.